This is from Al Qamar:
“Being a Convert can be hard
We read the Quran and we truly believe in what we have learned
BUT the words, actions and advice from the Muslims around us can make us turn away…A reminder to be gentle with new converts ♥ The actions and words of individual Muslims and the entire Ummah can be the deciding factor for a potential convert
These are all things converts are told and witness – These are things we’ve seen in comments on Youtube, in forums and threads, in groups, in our inbox, to our faces. When a convert/potential convert knows little about Islam, Muslims are where they form their opinions and ideas about Islam from – Many do not make the realization that no Muslim is perfect, and cannot handle the constant criticisms and contradictions.
– This is a very personal post for any convert out there who has struggled or is struggling now – Many converts have been through this and understand. Though many don’t speak about feeling judged, being confused, not belonging, feeling lost, and not knowing what’s “right” – many brothers and sisters have been there. It can be lonely, it can be hard, it can feel like you’re stuck in the middle of two selfs. It can really, really hurt.
Sometimes, the only way to make it through is to believe. Even if you can’t bring yourself to do any more… when it’s time to move forward, you will be given the strength to do so. You’re already dealing with an immense amount of pressure and identity crisis – Take it a day at a time, a step at a time. Don’t try to be the best or look the best. Move at your own pace. It’s a lifelong race, and in the end, it’s only with yourself–”
This was very nice, I liked it a lot. Thank you for sharing
I have been Muslim for 10.5 years and I still feel like this xP
Aw! I’m glad you liked it too!
I have been meaning to ask you about your journey in conversion? How was it for you?
Lots of love!
xo
It’s nice of you to ask
I have always been very interested in religion, I remember when I was very small I was crying since I didn’t want to die, and I asked my mum if there is a life after death. In high school I only had one friend and she was Muslim, so she taught me a little bit about Islam, but only details like how to pray and perform wudhu and things like that. Her family also took me to the mosque to learn Arabic and I celebrated eid with them. I believed in what she told me, but I hardly knew anything about Islam. I was only 14 then. After that I studied different religions and also visited different churches and I went to a Catholic church for about two years, but it felt very alien and unnatural to me, and I didn’t like that I had to visit a church to ask Allah for forgiveness. I also visited different monasteries and stayed there for some time. It was then that I decided that I didn’t think I could be a Catholic any more. I went home and decided that maybe there isn’t any religion that is right for me, and that I just had to believe in Allah and pray to Him without following a religion. I wore a scarf even though I wasn’t a Muslim (or technically I was, since I said the shahadah when I was 14), and I felt very jealous of Muslim women who could wear the scarf without people asking so many question, and I sort of felt a connection to Islam because of the veil. I think I believed in Islam, but I tried not to believe in it because I was scared of all the rules and about finding a husband since I had heard so many bad things about Muslim men, but in the end I understood that I was a Muslim. I’m usually very impatient so this time I didn’t want to rush things, I wanted to take my time so I was sure it was the right choice. I went with my mum and dad to Ireland and Northern Ireland and that was when my mum and dad learned that I converted, because someone there asked me if I was a Muslim because of the veil. They were OK about it, they even give me eid presents. 
After that we went to Spain and that was when I converted. I read the Narnia books and about Diggory who was fooled by Jadis, and I could relate, so that was what made me said the shahadah again. It was so weird since it felt like I wasn’t alive before, and it felt like everything got brighter. It was just a completely different life. I hope I never never go back there since I know what my life can be like. When I came home I got to know other Muslim sisters, but it was just too much rules and pressure, so I tried not to believe in Islam, and I hoped really badly that I wouldn’t believe, but alhamdollilah I did. I packed away all my hijabs, and I had given up to be honest, even though I believed in Islam. In the end I sent a message to a grown up sister I know, she’s very wise and quiet, and she told me about what is behind all the rules. Alhamdollilah that was what helped me back to Islam 
Sometimes it was difficult because I didn’t feel as a part of the ummah, but now I have a few Muslim friends and I choose my friends very carefully since I know that I’m very sensitive and I can easily feel exhausted with haram/halal talk and talk about death and things like that. I’m sorry for all the typos. How did you convert? Lots of love from me too 
Today I’m celebrating my birthday with a few of my friends, we’re eating at a Chinese restaurant inshaaAllah 
I wish more people would be aware of this! It seems like new converts get lots of offers of “help” but after a while nobody is interested
I have a lot of trouble connecting to other Muslims “in real life” (let’s be honest… I have a lot of trouble connecting to people in general not just Muslims but maybe it hits me harder when I have trouble connecting with Muslims 
) . Sometimes, like reading your post today, I feel like maybe it is a blessing on me because it’s strengthened my faith in some ways, I feel my connection to Allah is very direct and not very influenced by other people, whereas I have known some people who went through a crisis of faith when a key figure that they depended on for a lot of info about Islam (like a family member) began to draw away for Islam or there alternatively was a problem in the relationship between the two people. I know if I hadn’t learned embraced Islam before I met my ex, that would have been a total disaster! At other times though I’m very lonely, I begin to doubt if I will ever get married again, it is so hard to meet people, or I wish for a close friend or two nearby to celebrate with at holidays, I feel I am not giving my son a good experience, etc. A lot of people when I converted believed I did so to join a community but I’ve never been part of a community. I especially I feel close to Allah in the natural world away from people, Islam is not about other people for me, but at the same time, I find I need people, and then I run into problems. I hate the racism and other divisions and cliques whenever you get enough people together.
Your words are always so eloquent! I myself have issues relating to about 99% of the human population
I love how you did describe how this can sometimes be a blessing though when coming to faith, so that it is pure and unadulterated direct relationship to Allah. That is so true, since at the end of the day it’s only me and my actions and my commitment that will be judged. I definitely, definitely depend a lot on my husband to teach me things or if I have embarrassing questions I don’t want to ask anyone else which is worrisome for me (for a variety of reasons). InshaAllah everything will work out as it’s supposed to though 
Also I bet you give your son an excellent experience being the well-educated mom you are!
Also imaanii thanks for posting your story
very interesting! (I couldn’t reply to it directly)
You’re welcome
Thank you for wanting to read it 
Wow Imaanii what an amazing story! Thank-you so much for sharing, it made me smile and was just beautiful. I’m sorry it took me so long to reply this week has been a bit nuts for me and i’m kicking myself for missing your birthday! Happy belated birthday!!!
Ooh thanks a lot
This made me smile too 
I don’t think you missed my birthday since you congratulated me in a comment a week or so ago, and that was when my birthday was 
I just celebrated it a bit late. So don’t worry <3 It's very nice of you to care.
Soooo needed this. Thank uuuuu